Back to Work Blues

I never knew anything would be even more diffcult than taking care of Anika--giving her to someone else to care for! My transition back to work has really been a bumpy road. I cried the first day, and then when I picked her up, she wouldn't smile at me. Of course she smiled at the sitter like crazy. I couldn't wait to get home and nurse her.

I just feel like the bubble we've been existing in for the last few months has been punctured. Mornings were full of smiles and calm waking. We looked forward to the Ellen show at 1pm, making dinner for Dan, and quiet moments together. Now we've joined the real world and it's is so hard to keep everything together...waking at 5am, bottles, extra clothes, laundry, pumped milk (not to mention pumping milk--what a pain), dinner, cleaning, and everything that comes with being back to teaching. I've come to understand why my mom never sits down. She lost all sense of relaxation with my twin siblings and now that we're grown, that's just part of who she is.

Being back at work isn't all bad though. My students have been more than welcoming and it is so much fun to have new found camaraderie with other teachers who are also moms. I love how you can find a connection with just about any woman who has given birth. I also feel glad that I can contribute to the finances and have adult contact, other than my husband, on a daily basis. I think he was starting to tune me out in the evenings since I wouldn't shut up.

Anika was sick earlier this week and I already took a sick day I don't have, but she slept good last night and things seem to be becoming more normal. I guess the bubble is gone, but now we can learn to bask in the moments we have together and watch the laundry pile up.